


I Hung My Head

by Ninkasa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-14
Updated: 2012-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninkasa/pseuds/Ninkasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bela has a few regrets</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hung My Head

She would have liked to have said she had no regrets.

But really, in the last few hours of her life, Bela -- and she was Bela now; she hadn’t been Abby in a very long time -- felt that lying, even to herself would have been counterproductive.

There were just far too many things to regret now.

It wasn’t that she wished she’d never made her original deal -- her life would have been much worse and possibly much shorter. 

She just wished like Hell she had never heard of hunters and demons and the goddamned Colt. 

She wished she’d never crossed paths with the Winchesters.

Maybe then the demon wouldn’t have given her an impossible deal.

She’d like to say she only ever worried about herself.

But she found herself thinking more and more about the brothers.

She stood by her original thoughts -- hunters were generally obsessed, sick and twisted revenge driven monsters and were usually no better than those things they hunted.

Sam and Dean Winchester were really no different.

Lying would be counterproductive.

At least they tried to help people.

Well. . .in the beginning, maybe. Bela suspected Dean’s contract probably messed up that whole pro bono thing they’d had going on.

No one was completely unselfish and anyone who said differently was selling something.

Or delusional.

It was probably why Sam was paling around with that demon girl.

Hunters talk. No one really got to have secrets in that community.

Having said that, despite the fact that he had his head on the chopping block, Dean seemed strangely at peace with it.

It made her wonder exactly what he’d seen in his past that made him seem to welcome Hell.

Any normal person would have been trying their damnedest to get out of the contract.

He barreled around as if he wanted to die.

Of course, Bela believed most hunters had a death wish. Why else would you willingly go after things that wanted to kill you? Or eat you. She also figured that most hunters were a bit insane. You’d have to be do to the job they did.

But Dean’s death wish, Dean’s insanity seemed more pronounced. More determined.

Or maybe he’d always been that reckless. 

It was a shame she’d never get to find out.

There. That was a regret.

She didn’t want to say she should have been nicer.

But maybe she should have been nicer.

Not that she just wanted to sleep with him.

Although that was something to put on the regret list.

She wasn’t sure she’d have been able to tolerate him for very long. But a conversation that wasn’t spitting insults and curses might have made a nice change.

And more than anything it bothered her to realise that he may have helped her in the end if she hadn’t done so much to make sure he hated her.

Perhaps all she would have had to do was tell him about her deal and maybe he would have tried to save her as he and his brother had tried to save so many others.

Instead she’d slammed that door by stabbing them in the back and probably just generally being annoying. And then for good measure she’d locked the door by stealing their precious Colt.

Desperate measures. Being told to kill Sam hadn’t been part of her plan.

Not that Dean would have listened if she tried to explain this to him. Sometimes he had the intelligence of a rock, which was ridiculous because you couldn’t be stupid and do the job he did.

Bela wished she’d just talked to him. It would have been interesting.

Interesting to see how someone who had others who cared for them dealt with their time running out.

Because no matter what else, Dean definitely had people who cared about him. People who were going to miss him when he was gone.

She’d heard about John Winchester’s deal.

And she’d seen the dedication the brothers had to each other. The friendship they had with Bobby Singer, she knew the brothers were somewhat close to Ellen Harvelle and her daughter.

Dean’s death was going to destroy a lot of lives other than his own.

The most Bela’s death was going to destroy was some dealer’s latest sale.

Maybe someone somewhere would stop and think, “whatever happened to that girl who got me that shrunken head? She could get me that rabbit’s foot.”

Well, maybe not a rabbit’s foot. Even if she lived another thousand years, Bela would never go after another of those again. Things might not have gotten so complicated if she hadn’t gone after that last one.

Not that it was going to be an issue much longer.

And wasn’t that a sobering thought?

Actually, it was a downright terrifying thought, and Bela was trying desperately hard not to think too much on it, although it was proving difficult.

Honestly, if there was anytime to be terrified beyond reason it was in the last few hours of your life.

Bela took a deep, steadying breath and reached out to pick her cell phone up from where she’d left it laying on the windowsill. She’d been sitting and staring out the window for well over an hour.

Bela swallowed hard as she looked at the clock to see it said she had about fifteen minutes left. Somewhere she was sure she heard a dog howl, although that may have been her imagination.

Or the Yorkie the lady next door was hiding.

Bela licked her lips and scrolled down through the names in her contacts list.

Most of whom were contacts themselves, no real friends on that list. All business associates or people she knew could help her in someway.

She slowed down as she got to the D’s and stopped on a name.

Her thumb hesitated over the call button for a long moment. 

He’d never answer.

God knew she wouldn’t if she were him.

Bela took another deep breath and flipped the phone to where she could type out a message.

At least this way he couldn’t ignore her final message.

She hesitated again once more and then typed out two words and hit send.

Bela tossed the phone onto the bed next to her and laid down on the bed, closing her eyes firmly, wishing for a moment that she had that dream root she’d given the boys so she wouldn’t have to be conscious for this.

She hoped like hell he read that message, she didn’t want her last words to go ignored.

Across town, Dean reached out and picked up his cell from the dash of the Impala. He frowned, not recognizing the number the text was from.

The frown deepened as he read the words across the screen.

It said simply,

“I’m sorry.”


End file.
